Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
