evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
