Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
