wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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