In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
