if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
