And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
