Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
