Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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