i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
