My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
