Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
