1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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