he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
