Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
