bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
