Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
