you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
