I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
