i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize