Fuck appropriateness.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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