You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
