remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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