I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
