Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
