I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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