The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it glows. i had to have it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
