I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
