I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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