i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
