so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
