Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
