remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
