it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
