We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I touched a dick in church today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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