You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
