Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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