so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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