you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
