he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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