just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
