He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
