That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
