I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
