Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
