if only i could text you this smell
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
