just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
