could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
