just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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