never play flip cup with pint glasses
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
