What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
