dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
