peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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