I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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