Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
