I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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