You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
