If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
