i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
