You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When are your genitals available?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
