Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
