someone threw a dead crab at me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
