the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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