dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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