And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
