Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
not ubering you a puppy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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