Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
