just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize