I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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