you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
