If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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